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Monthly Archives: June 2012

Addictions…

Addictions…

I screamed, kicking furiously at the air around me. ”Leave me alone!”. I burst into tears. What do you want from me?? I’ve given you everything you’ve demanded from me, why are you still after me? In response I heard the eerie but familiar jingle of the shackles as he drew near. My energy was gone. I knew exactly what he was going to say. I could actually recite what would happen in the next couple of hours. Sadly, but yet again I felt relief as he whispered those same old lines in my ears. A little voice in my head told me i had been here before…nothing was new, nothing was going to change. But all too soon, the voice turned into a drone as the drums in my head and the beat of my heart, along with the voices cheering me on forced me once again to dance to a beat I once regretted.

I threw my head back in defeat, partially in relief from all the heat of the drumbeat and glad I’d earned myself a few minutes of peace as i opened my palms for the usual ritual. He placed a toffee in my left hand and the heavy shackles in my right. I knew what to do…I had done this over and over. I sucked happily on my new found source of excitement…the same toffee I sucked on every time I attempted to escape. Yes, the very cause of my captivity, as I with the other hand secured myself with the heavy shackles.

I followed him back down the way I once ran with hope in my heart and my eyes fixed on the light that once lay ahead. Now all I see are shiny toffee wrappers, shackles and dried bones of people who never got the chance to break free.

Ah! There it is! The punishment room. I never really got to hear anybody call the little room by any specific name, but everything that went on in that room happened to people who tried to escape, and it gave them nothing but testimonies of pain and agony.

”I deserve it…I deserve it” I chanted as one bound with a spell as torture upon torture was meted out to me. The peak of this was the haunting playback of the effort put in by my friend to aid this yet again failed escape. And as I closed my eyes, the darkness and chill filled the room. I knew i was doomed.

”God help me” I whispered under my shaking breath. And suddenly the room was filled with cries of ”Traitor, Traitor”, initializing the painful videos of how close I was to the light before I turned back.

”I don’t like this place, please let me go” I called out to him, with tears running down my face as the shiny toffee wrapper strangely was blown by a wind to the door of my cell. That told me in inaudible words, where my fate lay.

Time seemed to crawl by. It seemed like I had spent years in here already. The smell, the sounds, the torture, the guilt. I felt, like so many times before that I was going to die…

Then suddenly, in the midst of all the mess, the light shone again. Yes! It was the same one that made the shadows disappear, bringing unspeakable joy and hope into my heart. The very one that showed me the way out of the maze I was trapped in to the place of escape…the very one that silenced the voices in my head and gave me a reason to raise my head in confidence again. My Friend had come back for me as he said he would! The shackles and weights on me dropped like wax and my soul was as light as a feather. I was free!!!!

Walking out of the maze with full confidence and visuals, in the light that surrounded us and filled the room, I couldn’t help but notice the dirty, filthy rags that enveloped my the toffees I loved sooooo much.

”And if the Son therefore sets you free, you shall be free indeed”

John 8:36  The Holy Bible.

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