You feel the desire grow steadily in you…knowing you want it so bad. For a split second you feel like you must get it at all costs, without which you wouldn’t be sane. All the negative effects and consequences are brushed away consciously as you do not want anything to hinder the sensation you feel. Your body begins to respond in ways that are new to you, and sometimes uncontrollable. Then all of a sudden, you reach that point where everything around you and everything you see begins to someway, somehow relate to the strong desire already welled up in you. Every effort to withdraw yourself from quickly gives way to the increase in your heartbeat. You know you said you weren’t going to fall for it again, but here you are ready to damn the consequences and just get it over and done with. At this stage, there is an ongoing war in your head. You know exactly who stands where through the audible interactions of both parties in your head. There’s a gentle voice reminding you of all the promises you made, or probably the repercussions of that unholy action. Yes, unholy because your mind is divided in making a simple decision in saying no to a strong desire. This desire could come in many forms, and of course differ among people. It is a highly classified and protected document containing the schematic of each individual. It attacks individuals at their lowest levels of awareness, and definitely at their weakest points. It is amazing to know exactly how the flesh responds to certain desires and the measures it would take to ensure it gets what it wants, regardless of the circumstances around the individual in question. It leads one to make rash and unreasonable and regrettable decisions. The battle that goes on in the mind is equally fierce, and cannot be fought off easily without the help of God. Even in the presence of God and spirituality an addiction poses a stubborn rival. First and foremost is what an addiction is…being uncontrollably dependent on something – anything at all. It has basic symptoms such as loss of control of want over that particular thing, slowly building over time, with an increasing quantity or frequency of use of it, until it becomes authoritative, demanding when it should be used or performed. It could be as serious as drug addiction to as seemingly minute as television addiction. Secondly, it brings no positive value or addition to one’s present state of well-being. It is designed to drain you morally, spiritually, financially, and in any other ways possible, thereby making it an indispensable tool in the hands of the devil, as he uses it to reduce the potency of Christians before moving in for the final kill. The feeling of guilt, remorse and temporary immediate feeling of repentance are its common departing attributes. It is often said that one can never understand the true power of being addicted until one is actually addicted, which I personally endorse as being true. It really is never as simple as just looking away, and sometimes, after enjoying or devouring the object of addiction in question, one may openly regret and wish one hadn’t ventured into it at all. The same monotonous cycle of the addictive act can go on repeatedly, leaving the user confused at why he fell for the same bait twice or more over and dejected at the thought of being exactly where he was emotionally as at the last time he fell for the same bait. At this stage, it gives room for the next deteriorating element, low self-esteem or depression. This process keeps on reproducing like a malignant cell of destruction with a nucleus of sin and filth, giving rise to other unpleasant traits and behaviours, leaving us poorer than the proverbial prodigal son, and with the aid of guilt and pride, eventually lead to death.
Psalm 51, The Holy Bible.
Bomboy © Copyright 2012